The Fine Line Between Care & Control

Are you Aware or Anxious?

Author

Ama Agyapong
November 06, 2025

Hey Y’all,

Leaders often tell me they micromanage because they care. They want things done right, they want to protect the team, and they don’t want to fail. But as Julia DiGangi points out in The Anxious Micromanager (Harvard Business Review, 2023), what looks like care can actually be anxiety in disguise.

When worry drives leadership, control follows. Checking every email, reviewing every draft, and weighing in on every decision feels like helping, but it communicates mistrust. It says, I don’t believe you can handle it without me. AND THAT IS NOT INCLUSION!

The irony? Anxiety-driven control doesn’t calm teams; it makes them tense. People retreat, innovation slows, and the leader becomes even more anxious. That’s the loop.

RESOURCE:

The Anxious Micromanager

The Anxious Micromanager

The command-and-control management style has been on the decline for decades. Research has shown that companies perform better when leaders empower, encourage, and coach employees instead of delivering orders, micromanaging, and meting out discipline. Nonetheless, that style remains prevalent. At root, the tendency to micromanage stems from a leader’s own anxiety and lack of confidence. To stop overrelying on a command-and-control style, leaders should look inward to understand what causes it. This article offers guidance for managers on harnessing their energy to lead in a much more effective and sustainable way.

hbr.org/2023/09/the-anxious-micromanager

REVELATION:

Julia DiGangi reminds us that micromanagement is less about control and more about anxiety. When leaders feel unsafe and worried that something will go wrong, or that someone’s misstep will reflect on them, they tighten their grip. It’s a self-soothing move disguised as oversight. But the more they control, the less capable their teams feel, and the cycle of anxiety deepens.

True care requires emotional regulation. Calm leaders create psychological safety; anxious ones erode it. The real work isn’t fixing others, it’s managing your own discomfort with uncertainty. When you regulate your emotions, you move from controlling outcomes to coaching ownership. That shift builds trust, autonomy, and stronger results.

REFLECTION:

  • When does your “care” cross into control?

  • What would it look like to replace checking on people with checking in with them?

  • How might your team operate if your confidence replaced your anxiety?